What better thing to start off November with that an awesome list? These will possibly make you think I'm kind of evil, but that's okay. Nobody was injured in the making of this awesome list.
1. Buying yourself Halloween candy.
Forget standing in a cold doorway, unable to go watch TV or relax for the evening because you are stuck handing out candy to all the people coming to your door. We've adopted a new tradition in our family; buy a few boxes of our favorite candies, turn off the lights and consume them all ourselves.
Sounds terrible, yes. On the plus side, it's really delicious. Plus you only get the good stuff, AND there's no stealing involved. Win-win, I say.
2. Watching your husband sitting on the couch, dozing off.
His head drops back, little by little with his mouth wide open, and you realize that he has gum in his mouth. You begin to panic that he could actually choke on said piece of gum, so you throw something at him to wake him up.
Possibly not the smartest idea. He didn't choke on the gum, but the ensuing "WHAT THE HELL?!" may have caused some ruckus. Oops. The next time you just sit and watch, wondering how on Earth he can fall asleep like that without it being really uncomfortable because seriously? That's just weird.
3. The teenager, upon hearing you vent that you've had the worst day ever, announces he's taking you to Starbucks to get whatever drink you want because he thinks you just need one.
When you finally have latte in hand and tell him how grateful you are, he admits that he really just wanted a coffee and figured the only way to get there was to buy you one too. He's so learned my ways.
4. When your husband senses impending doom for stealing your car keys.
My husband didn't live with me for 10 months. In that time, I developed a routine to NOT lose my car keys; I keep them in a bowl on the counter. One morning last month or so, I go to get them, and they aren't there. I check every single pocket, every purse, every jacket, and eventually give up and run for the spares, only I don't really know where THEY are so I tear apart the entire house.
Later I realize that John took my keys to work in Abbotsford, and likely has been freaking out all day once he realized that he has them. I don't call him to let him know everything is okay, but instead let this sense of impending doom hang over him for the entire day. He comes home, quietly lets himself in, and immediately apologizes while I laugh at him.
He looked really bewildered, and relieved. I thought it was hilarious!
5. Finally abandoning the teenager.
After months of nagging the teenager that you WILL leave his ass behind at school if he isn't ready, you finally arrive one day at the school doors and can't find him. After 20 minutes of searching you finally go and get groceries, completely guilt free, while he waits and then realizing you aren't coming, walks home.
Thereafter, he's always at the doors and you take GREAT delight in pretending that you don't see him so he runs for the car while you laugh hysterically, watching his panic in your rear view mirror.
Now I'm just waiting to do it in the morning, when he's still half asleep and not ready when I need to leave. *evil grin*