Thursday, October 08, 2009

Pay Back's a Bitch

"I feel like I want a chocolate bar. You want one?"

The day was finished, and I'd had a craving something chocolaty all day long. We had to stop at the store any way, so I thought Jake might enjoy the offer of a sweet for himself.

"Oh, I'd like pop. AND a chocolate bar," Jake grinned hopefully. Leave it to him to try to get the most bang for his buck, but today I wasn't buying into it.

"Nope. Just pick one thing. You don't need both today."

Begrudgingly, he chose a bottle of pop in the store, even though he made the point of standing in front of the candy display and eying what was available.

Soon we were onto another store, where he chose to sit in the car while I picked up what we needed and grabbed myself a Snickers bar. On the way back to the car, I unwrapped it and took a bite, savoring the peanutty chocolate goodness. Jake looked annoyed as I sat down in the drivers seat and took out my keys.

"Fatso," he muttered.

"WHAT?!" When I turned to face him, he began to stammer.

"I kidding, I didn't mean..."

"Kidding? You were kidding? I just bought you a pop and now because you couldn't get a pop AND a chocolate bar you are calling me fat? Okay, fine. Next time, I won't buy you anything."

We drove home in silence.

Finally, we pull into the driveway, I park, and he begins to gather his things. He hands me his bottle of pop to hold while he organizes himself. As his hand extends back for his drink, I give him an evil grin. Should I? Maybe?

I raise the bottle to my mouth as if to take a drink, but at the last minute, stop and run my tongue over the entire mouth of the bottle. Slowly. Painfully. While he watches in utter horror.

"OH! GROSS!" he squeals, "You're going to give me your cold! Why did you do that!?" he snatches the bottle back and wipes the top on his shirt. I just smile sweetly at him.

"Never, ever, call me fat, sweetie. This mama believes in payback."

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