Tuesday, August 04, 2009

The One Where I Die of Heart Failure

Road Trip 2009 Day 9: Jeeping Fins and Things (Day 8 was boring anyway. We slept. Ate. Shopped. Zzzzzz.....)

I should have known. Really, in retrospect, I should have picked up on the testosterone that was floating about our heads as a huge red flag WARNING.

Instead I got all caught up in the excitement. We were going Jeeping! Jeeping! There's a pretty red jeep that is all ours for three whole days and we're going to go rock crawling, and these people at Canyonlands Jeep Rental are way cool, and I'm so excited!

*deep breath*

Someone should've smacked me. Maybe I would've paid better attention to what I was being talked into doing.

In my defence, when it was suggested that we 4x4 the Fins n Things trail, I did half heartedly try to protest.

"No! Don't suggest that. No! It's rated difficult! We can't!"I shook my head and jokingly tried to cover Hub's ears, but I was still grinning. I didn't want to look like the sort of wife that ruins the guys fun, you know?

"Aw come ON, you've done Gemini Bridges, and Chicken Corners, you can do this one! It's awesome! You'll LOVE it!"

Oh, look. A dinosaur. Doesn't that look so innocent?

Hubs eyes shone with anticipation. He's been waiting all year to go rock crawling. ALL YEAR. The very thought of a challenging trail, where he could improve his skills, excited him. So I gave in, and Fins n' Things was the first trail of our 4x4ing adventure in Moab.

And so began three hours of complete, heart stopping TERROR.

Okay to be fair, it wasn't complete heart stopping terror the ENTIRE time. Just 85% of it. 85 % of which I spent curled up in a fetal position against the passenger side door, clinging to the handle with one hand and the other over my eyes shrieking,

"Okay so this time I'm actually IN the Jeep but damn it you just CAN'T MAKE ME LOOK!".

If I wasn't screaming that, it was more like,

"No. God, No. No no no no no no freaking way in HELL am I staying in this jeep let me out before I just jump out while it's moving because I am so NOT going up THAT and YOU JUST CAN'T MAKE ME."

Yes this is EXACTLY the spot where I took one look and declared "Hell NO", before practically jumping out of a moving jeep.

I really wanted to write a post about Fins N' Things and how fun it was. HONEST. Hubs had a fantastic time. He maneuvered us through places that quite honestly, if I did not have total faith in his ability I would have gotten out of the jeep and refused to get back in.

We'd bump along and come to some ridiculously steep section of slickrock. Hubs would be grinning like in the picture below and chirping,

"This is AWESOME!" Just look at that picture. I wanted to smack some sense into him.

HE would look like that, while I would be curled up in the corner looking out my window down into a canyon thinking,

"Holy f*$& we are going to tip and fall off the slickrock, and bounce of those boulders, and why the freaking HELL did Hubs let Jake bring that rock pick because if the fall doesn't kill us that thing definitely will and we ARE ALL GOING TO DIE."

Because I'm just not meant to be in weird angles like that on slickrock, with only canyon below.

So ya. You can see how it went.

Tourist Tip # 8: What YOU think is fun and your husband thinks is fun can be vastly different. Agree on middle ground BEFORE you hit the trail. Plus take a good map, lots of water, let the hotel know where you are going, all that good stuff.

The good news is, we survived. I was shaking, near tears, just about peed my pants in terror, and honestly it's surprising that I even got back in the jeep at all for the rest of the vacation.

Hubs let me pick the next trail-some very gentle, easy trail with no rock crawling at all, just to revive me.

We also made a pact; next year he gets a day out with this guy, touring the more extreme trails of Moab to get his rock crawling fix. WITHOUT me.

I'm going whitewater rafting instead.

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