Monday, August 24, 2009

Never Assume

Never assume that when you plan a trip to the city that involves using a brand new bike rack, your Hubs will install it. He won't, even though you've asked him exactly 3983 times and tried really hard not to make it look like you are nagging. You aren't. You're just asking because what the hell is the point of having a bike rack if you never use it? You will end up installing it yourself the very day before you need to go to the city for a trip to go...um...biking, and you can't change it because you already booked and paid for the hotel.

Never assume that when you buy a new car with said bike rack (that cost hundreds of extra dollars because it comes with a trailer hitch, of all things), that instructions to hook it up will be included. They won't. You'll have to phone the dealership and have them e-mail you the instructions that technically should have been in the box with the bike rack. Only your bike rack was never in a box, but instead in pieces in the trunk. You'll also find a third piece that you have no idea what to do with, and have to take a picture of it to send to them for identification purposes.

Never assume that the bike rack will come with pins that actually lock, so that people can't just remove it, and the bikes, from your car when you're not looking. It won't. Can I just say right now that is the stupidest thing EVER? Bike rack people, I'd pay extra for a locking pin. Honest. Just to save me the torture of trying to find one.

Never assume that the hardware store will have locking pins for a trailer hitch. They will, but not in the size you need. Even though when you phoned them they assured you they did. You will end up going to no less than 4 stores before you find one. Then you will want to kiss the man who finally finds one for you, because by then you are so grouchy you are ready to eat puppies for dinner.

Never assume that you have bungee cords to secure the bike's tires so that they don't flap in the breeze and scratch up your car. You will discover that you don't have any at 10 pm that night, after the stores are closed, and resort to using duct tape.

Never assume that your teenager will just go to bed, already. He'll stay up reading in his room past midnight and then when you need to take an early ferry he won't want to get out of bed and practically make you late.

Never assume that biking over 20 km in two days won't leave you sore and stiff, because you will be far too stubborn to allow your teenager to out mountain bike you. You will work like hell to keep up with him, and even though your legs are screaming for relief and you feel like you just might die, you will keep going. Because he JUST CAN'T WIN.

Never assume that your 13 year old is okay at the city public pool by himself for a few minutes, because that's when the town weirdo will see it as opportunity to chat him up. You'll end up circling back and rescuing the boy from the said weirdo, who takes one look at your Momma Bear eyes and high tails it out of there as fast as his weaselly legs will carry him before you rip off his limbs and claw out his eyes.

Never assume your teenager won't hit you up for money when his runs out, and of course you cave because come ON, it's just a few dollars....?

Never assume that you won't look at your boy smiling across the table from you over sushi, and it will hit you that he has only THREE Back to School Celebrations with you left before he is grown and leaves you. Three. You'll find yourself getting a bit teary and then discussing how you'll seriously have to go all out the year he enters grade 12, because it will be your last Back to School celebration.

And then you'll cry a bit when you're alone and gasp because, because seriously.... three? How did that go by so damn fast?

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