Thursday, August 27, 2009

Cookie Crumbs: Clodhoppers and Mini Skirts

At the shoe store, we're trying on new runners.

"Jake, you're what? A size 11? When did that happen? You were just a size nine, for God's sake!"

Jake puts on the new runners, which seem alarmingly large compared to the rest of his body. He appears to be wearing scuba diving fins, almost.

"These are great! I love them! So comfy!" He bounds around the store like a puppy, and upon his way back to the bench, trips over his own feet and falls.

"I can't control my clodhoppers!" he chirps, turning a bit red and looking at his feet. "They are just too big."

"It's okay," I soothe. "The rest of you will catch up soon enough."


"Honey, there is something I need you to teach your son to do, man to man." We've just come back from two days in Vancouver, and Hubs and I are chatting over coffee. He smiles. I'm sure he's thinking of something really poignant and special, but I'm about to burst his bubble.

"I need you to teach your boy how to look at cute girls, without looking like he's looking at cute girls." The whole head swivel, nose against the glass of the window is just a bit too obvious."

Jake suddenly pipes up from the next room (I swear that kid has supersonic hearing).

"HEY! My mini skirt meter was low!"


"So, you and Dad used to go there and watch the planes take off?" Jake points to a park as we drive through Richmond, right near the Vancouver International Airport. A plane is roaring down the runway to take off.

"Ya, we'd park there at night, because it's really lit up and looks really cool. It was our favorite make out spot."

Jake's eyes widen in horror and he makes a disgusted face.

"That grosses you out? You're kidding. Kissie! Kissie kissie! Mom and Dad kiss! EW!" Now I'm really rubbing it in, grinning at him and trying to gross him out further.

Jake looks at me and his expression says it all; my mother has completely lost her mind. Let's placate the crazy that is my mom before she starts telling me more weird stuff that my teenage brain just can't handle.

"Well, I know that you and Dad do that kind of stuff, but I just really don't want to think about it."

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