Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Adventures on the Road

Some of the drives during a road trip can be interesting. When people tell us that we're crazy to drive ("geez, why don't you FLY?) we tell them that we can't! We'd miss so much! So while on Road Trip 2009, I actually sat with a note book and wrote down all the things that you would miss. Join us for a taste of Road Tripping, Cookie Jar style.

The agenda? Drive from Bend, Oregon to Omak, Washington. Not because there's anything particularly interesting in Omak, but we want to avoid the Peace Arch border crossing and there's a science supply place we plan to stop at.

-First stop: the Shell station in Madras, OR. Gas station bathrooms are usually pretty gross anyway, and I'm still traumatized by the one run by Mommy Dearest over in Colorado, so I'm a bit wary. This one has a sign taped on the wall behind the toilet saying,

"Please put the seat UP after using."

One glance at the disgustingly dirty, possibly disease ridden toilet seat and I considered writing,

"Please CLEAN THE SEAT and I may think about it."

-Pass through lots of flat, open, farmland with fields just FULL of wheat, barley, etc. Cows! Horses! Is that a deer?

For some reason, think of Pioneer Woman. Wow. She rocks. I don't think I could do the farming thing.

-We drive through a gorge. The scenery is pretty, really.

"Oh, look! Rocks! There's agates! Basalt! Blah, blah, blah" (insert some science lesson-y sounding thing here).

-The GPS is confused. It keeps telling us to go the wrong way, according to the map. We begin mocking it for the 74685th time that trip.

"What have YOU been smoking, Tom Tom?"
"Tom Tom is GOD, you must obey the Tom Tom or it will SMITE you!"

-We pass a sign saying we just drove by the 45th parallel, which is half way between the Equator and the North Pole. Wow, we've gone 5 parallels? (we used to live on the 50th)

-Jake keeps saying, "Muffins. I LOVE Muffins." WTH? I used to make muffins all the time and he would never eat them. Now the boy who snarfs down any food in sight has decided muffins are THE BEST thing EVER and he must have them.

-The scenery is gorgeous. The road has become windy, through forests and beside a stream. Mount Hood is looming from behind the trees. I almost expect little woodland creatures to come bounding out to greet us, a la "Snow White".

-Oh wait, that was once a raccoon. Maybe not. EWWWW.

-Snoring from the back. Jake is contorted into some weird position as he sleeps. Consider taking photo and posting on blog.

-I try to get a pic of Mount Hood, but the trees are in the way. Curse profusely and endure surprised looks from Hubs.


-Oops. There's a cop. We're speeding (Please don't give us a ticket)

-Suddenly I have to pee. A sign says that we are close to a gas station. Relax that relief is near.

-Hubs takes a turn off before we get to the gas station.

"Um, I guess that means who knows if we'll find a place to pee?"

-Have you ever noticed how hard it is to actually enjoy beautiful scenery when you feel like you are going to BURST like a water balloon because you just really, REALLY have to pee?

-Make Hubs pull over and do a road side pee stop. Make Hubs watch for cars. Realize that we are in a no-stopping zone because of rock slide activity. Oops! Pee fast and leave.

-Descend other side of the mountain into a valley full of orchards. Cherries! 95 cents a pound! Wow. At home they are $3.00 a pound at the grocery store. Feel annoyed that we can't take fruit across the border.

Wait. Fresh cherries make my mouth itch, anyway.


-Stop at Starbucks for coffee. Hubs mocks me that I can't seem to remember where it is, even though we've been there before.

Jake: "MMMuffins! They have muffins! I need a muffin!"

Does this kid EVER stop eating? Buy some blueberry muffins and then marvel at how delicious they are. Drag Hubs away from bikers as he gazes longingly at their swanky machines.

-Cross the toll bridge (geez it's narrow) and stop at science supply place to pick up chemistry equipment for Jake. Dismantle carefully packed trunk to try to wedge it all inside. Don't look to make sure everything is in the box because geez, we need something to do when we get home (like contact the store a zillion times to get the missing items and argue over brokerage fees that cost more then the items are worth)

-Curse at the Tom Tom. It's been smoking up again.

-Windmills! They are kinda big, close up.

-read and then snooze a bit until just outside of Yakima, WA. I'm not crazy about Yakima. We've stopped before and it was an "oh my God lock all the doors before we get MUGGED." moment.

-Stop in Ellensburg, WA for gas and lunch at Bar 14 Ranch House restaurant.

-jaw drop upon seeing our turkey sandwiches that appear to contain the meat from an ENTIRE turkey EACH. Whoa! Resolve to diet upon arriving home.

-Back the road again. 7150 km gone so far!

-Watch the thermostat climb as we drive farther north. Pretty soon it's 40 C. Ouch!

-Orchards, orchards, more orchards. Try guessing what kind of trees they are.

-What the ?!?!?! Driver pulls out directly in front of us without looking and we almost rear end them. Hubs slams on the brakes and all sorts of bad words come from all three of us. Whew! That was close!

-Finally pull into Omak, WA and check into our hotel. Relief! Grab some rootbeers while Jake and Hubs flake out on the beds and turn on the TV....only to find yet MORE coverage of Micheal Jackson.

-Lay down and try to get comfy, although the hotel is too cheap to have real pillows and instead has these tiny things that are only half the size. Dream of home.

Only one more drive to go.

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