Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Murphy's Law on Vacation: You'll Always End Up in the Slow Line

Road Trip 2009, Day 1: Vancouver, BC to Bozeman, Montana

The Tom Tom (GPS), which silently took a lot of sarcasm and mocking the entire vacation.

5 am really is an ungodly time to be awake but this year, unlike previous years, we are taking off for Road Trip 2009 and driving during the DAY. Because driving during the DAY is better than at NIGHT, since last year the whole night driving thing almost ended up in an accident and Jake and I swore that we would NEVER sleep at night in a car again.

Just sayin'. No sleep would equal a hugely bitchy wife, and we all know that is something you want to avoid.

So this time, 5 am it is because that stupid ferry leaves at 6:20, and you'd better get your butt there early or you'll be sitting at the dock.

The car is packed, we are sufficiently fueled with hot caffeinated beverages, and off we go all excited and anticipating a fantastic day until we get to the border and notice a looooong line up. Hubs HATES line ups because he has the curse of the always-picks-the-line-that-is-the-slowest-and-if-it-isn't-the-second-he-steps-into-it-time-will-stop-and-he-won't-move-for-HOURS. Seriously. And then he sits the entire time, pointing out how the other lines are faster, and we aren't moving, and oh my God my head is going to explode because we are just being tortured by sitting here.

So we sat.

And sat. While Hub's head almost exploded.

I joked about the bunnies that were hopping around outside the car on the grass, crossing between our two countries without a care in the world.

Are they American? Canadian? Maybe they have dual citizenship, who knows?

Hubs was not impressed as the bunnies mocked him, hopping between the signs and without waiting in line.

We finally made it into the land of the free and home of the border bunnies, and after driving awhile decided we were hungry.

View Larger Map

For some reason, Safeway seemed like a good idea. I mean, it has fresh food, right? Fruit? Veggies? But you know, fast food is called fast for a reason. Like, because it's fast. Or at least fast-ER. We pull off the highway and Jake and I take off into Safeway with strict instructions to get lunch and get the hell out of there fast so that we can arrive at the hotel before midnight. We're going to Bozeman, people, and Bozeman, Montana is a 12 hour drive from Vancouver.

Hubs has this idea that I take a long time in stores. I have no idea where he gets that (snort!).

Anyway Jake and I noticed this Safeway has this whole sorta fast food area where you can get sandwiches, so I go to the counter and order one for each of us.

Then I proceed to watch the girl in slooooowwwww mooooootion as she puts the pieces of chicken breast on one BY one and then the pieces of red onion ONE by ONE, and my god it's taking her 20 minutes just to make some damn sandwiches!

I am sure I looked like a completely rude Canadian. I didn't mean to, really. I guess it didn't help that I was wearing a red shirt with a maple leaf.

Finally, painfully, she finished. I was looking over my shoulder, half expecting Hubs to come storming in and asking why I'm taking so long. Way to blend in with the locals.

"Uh, so, do you, like...have a card?"

"No, sorry, no Safeway where I live. Here." I thrust a $20 bill at her. At least I think it's a 20. These damn American bills all look the same to me, anyway. And ones! They drive me insane! But that's another post.

"But you know, you CAN use your Canadian Safeway card here in the USA. "

"That's great. There is NO Safeway where I live. I don't have a card." Shove the 20 a little closer to her, maybe she'll see it.

"But you CAN use your card..."

My head almost exploded right there. Ka-BOOM!

"There IS NO SAFEWAY where I live because I'm in a HICK town and please, I'm in a hurry could you please please PULLEASE just ring me in?"

She looked at me in shock. No Safeway? Does this Canadian live in an igloo, far far away from civilization and drive a dogsled, for God's sake? How could there be NO Safeway?

Then she didn't know how to make change.

Eventually, she figured it out. We practically sprinted to the car and peeled back out onto the highway, after I explained to Hubs about the girl in the deli putting rings of red onion in our sandwiches one by one. I'm not sure if he totally believed me. I think he thought I was just wandering the aisles, killing time looking at cereal or something. Because you know, I'd rather do that then be on vacation.

In her defense, those were WAY awesome sandwiches.

Tourist Tip #1: Safeway's deli rocks. Just don't be in a hurry and geez, have a card, would ya?

Anyway, the drive was okay. I read, Jake slept, Hubs drove. The last 100 miles were painful, as they always are, but we were rewarded with THIS at the end:

Nice, huh?

We made a late picnic dinner out of food from the food bag, then slept soundly in crisp white sheets on comfy beds.

One day down, just 20 more to go.

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