Jake: "Mom, what is chocolate body paint?"
I turn around from the candy display in confusion. "Chocolate body what??"
"Paint," he points to a bottle on a high shelf in the candy store. Oh, this isn't something I want to explain here. In the middle of the store, with people listening to me. "I mean, where would you put it anyway?"
"Ask her." I grin and nod to the cashier behind Jake, who has moved closer, waiting to hear my answer. When Jake whips around to look at her, and when he meets her eyes her expression quickly changes. Suddenly, she's sorta white. Shakes her head. No? You sell the stuff, you're not going to answer the question?
"Umm....it's for putting on your finger." she finally stammers. Chicken.
I usher Jake out of the store, hoping that the question is forgotten, but he won't let it go.
"Mom, come on, tell me. I mean I don't get it. Where would you put it anyway? It wouldn't be....." Suddenly, in the middle of the mall, the answer dawned on him and the look on his face turned to one of pure and utter horror.
"NOOOO! EWW! Oh gross! That's disgusting! That is a CANDY shop, not a SEX shop! I think we should complain. It's a family business!!"
"Maybe I should get some for Dad for his stocking," I snorted.
Silence. Jake gave me a look that said, oh my god this woman has lost her mind.
"Maybe you should get me some therapy."