Thursday, October 02, 2008

Ride 'em Cowgirl

I did promise you another embarrassing moment story, didn't I?

Back when I was 21, I didn't date a lot. In fact I went from my long time high school boyfriend, straight into dating Hubs. (It was the hot motorcycle....Kidding!)

Anyway we had been together awhile and eventually, I spent the night at his place. Which for me, being the good girl who had been taught "you won't ever do THAT until you are married so don't even THINK about it" was uncomfortable enough.

It's morning and I'm groggy. Oh. My. I just did THAT, which I wasn't supposed to do until I was married...think God will strike me dead? Close the eyes. Wait. Nothing. Nope, it's okay. I think I'm safe.

So Hubs rolls over and suddenly I'm feeling all self conscious and weird...I'm here, in this bed, and it's not mine. There's this decidedly hot guy beside me, and I don't regret what I've done, but it's just...weird. I've never done this before. Is there a protocol or something when you wake up? Kissing or no? I mean there's the whole morning breath problem. What do you say?

Thanks. I enjoyed that? Are you nuts? I don't want to look like a moron, but I know that I have no makeup on, my breath stinks, my hair is a mess and I likely need a shower. Sooooo un-sexy.

Does he make breakfast? Do I? Why isn't there any manual on this sort of thing?

So we got up, began pulling clothes on, and to make myself feel better I decided to crack jokes. I can't remember exactly what they were now, but they were stupid jokes. You know the kind; the ones that you wish later you hadn't told because they made you sound stupid. So there I was, trying to break the ice a bit by making Hubs laugh, and I distinctly remember picking up a belt and cracking it like a whip, while giggling and saying, "Ride 'em cowboy!"

At which point Hubs laughed and opened the door.

Standing there, just outside the door in the dining room, were four teenage boys. All of whom have obviously heard the conversation and who have just realized, for the first time, that their foster Dad's girl has just spent the night.

Not just that, but from what she just said, maybe she likes it kinky.

I stood frozen to the spot, hoping that the floor would just open up and somehow transport me to some alternate universe, because at least I wouldn't have to face the kids. I had realized that Hubs had foster kids, but I had forgotten that yes, they eat breakfast and live in the house. They sat there sizing me up with looks ranging from outright horrified to that of morbid fascination, taking in the fact that I was just barely older then them and dating a guy that was old enough to be my father. Hell-I was young enough to be dating some of them.

Not to mention I looked about 14, which really freaked people out.

Not wanting to meet their gaze, I took the coffee Hubs offered and quietly sat down at the table, while the kids went back to eating breakfast. The room was completely silent while all the boys contemplated how to handle the situation and I sat there hoping that I'd just blend into the wall and nobody would notice. It appeared to be working, for a few minutes.

Then suddenly out of the blue, one of the boys slaps Hubs on the back, winks and says,

"So cowboy, have fun last night?"

At which point I spat my mouthful of coffee all over the dining room table.

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