Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Three Years Ago

Three years ago at this time, I had a completely different kid.

A kid that hated school so much, that I had to gently talk him out of the car just to get him in the building.

A kid who then then I had to peel, as he clung and screamed, cried and begged, off my body and flee; feeling like a failure as a mother and sobbing myself.

A kid that was so terrified of school work that he'd shut down at the slightest hint of it being hard; if he did it at all.

A kid that woke screaming in the middle of night from nightmares about teachers being angry with him. One who was so anxiety ridden that if Dad was 3 minutes late getting home from work he was sure that Dad was somewhere dying in a car wreck.

Who had few friends because he didn't trust anyone. Who didn't want to leave the house to play and instead stayed in his room.

Who felt that he was stupid. After all, that was what everyone had told him at his old school.

Three years ago seems like just yesterday and yet, this child that stands before me today is a completely different kid. He's confident. Proud. Has worked so hard that he's plowed through 3 grades worth of math in one school year alone. He takes off outside with his friends and plays until we insist that he comes home for dinner, skips off to class without even giving me a hug anymore, and sleeps peacefully come night time.

Today his lap top computer from SET-BC arrived; the accumulation of years of advocating with teachers, two districts, and many sleepless, anxiety ridden nights on our part.

I peeked in on him tonight-lying on the floor of his bedroom with papers laid out in front of him, dictating his socials homework into the computer. It was like magic; no scribing, no resistance to getting the work done. Suddenly it dawned on me that we were finally at that point where I had so longed to be years ago. Things were peaceful. Normal. No more sleepless, anxiety ridden nights. Jake finally had the tools he needed to succeed in school, and also people in our lives who listen. Sure, there will be bumps in the road but we will never go back to the Hell that once was. In fact, the road ahead looks brighter then ever. He is excited about school. Can it really be true?

Jake looked up saw me watching him in wonder, then quietly got up and wrapped his arms around my waist for a hug and said something I never, in a million years, expected.

"Mom, thank you. Thanks for fighting so hard for me."

Baby, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. ALL of it.

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