Jake: "They are dirty."
Scattered Mom: " No they aren't! You keep throwing perfectly clean clothes in the laundry, so I have mountains of laundry! There shouldn't be mountains, there's only three people in this house!"
(teenager-ish sigh of "oh my God these adults are so dense and making my life, like, SO unbearable")
Jake: "Mom," (punctuated with eye roll) "those pants need to be washed. I wore them for two whole hours yesterday."
Scattered Mom (while preparing dinner): "I am never eating pork again."
Scattered Mom: "In foods today we learned about trichinosis. Worms. IN MY PORK. That is so gross, I'm never eating it again. Pork is disgusting."
Hubs: "But you're making ham for dinner. That's pork."
Scattered Mom: "Well, I figure that there are so many chemicals and preservatives in the smoking process that it kills them all. But you know, YOU like ham. I've never really liked ham."
Hubs: "You like bacon. Bacon is pork."
Scattered Mom: "Bacon is full of fat anyway. 100 Calories a slice! Yikes!"
Hubs: "Sausage? Like, in a sauce with pasta and cheese?"
Scattered Mom: "Um...well it's ground up, and there's a lot of preservatives....I don't think it counts. Plus I cook it real well anyway."
Hubs: "So let me get this straight. You'll try raw oysters, kangaroo, crocodile, and squid, but microscopic worms disgust you."
Scattered Mom: "Those things aren't live and wiggling in my piece of meat, sweetie. There's even a myth that if you pour Coke on the pork the worms come out."
(Hubs looks at ham in horror)
Jake (from the next room): "COOOOL! Can we try that?!?!?!?"