Thursday, April 26, 2007

Bearish Mommy

I never used to be a Momma Bear. In fact, I used to be the shy, "never make waves" type of Momma. "Let the people in charge do their thing and don't rock the boat" type of Momma.

Until it became clear I had to change. So clear that my kid's very mental health depended on it.

Then I was the "please listen to me" Momma.

Or a "I'm going to go over your head" Momma.

Eventually an "I will get your ass fired" Momma.

I hate doing the Momma Bear thing. I'm normally a very easy going, shy type of person who would rather work with people then be screaming at them. I don't like advocating, I don't like meetings, I'd rather just have a peaceful existance where we can just all get along. Unfortunately, life, and parenting, just doesn't work that way. We have our occasional speed bump.

Like this week. This week I was all fired up into the Momma Bear that was ready to eat numerous people for breakfast and spit them out, only to find that I didn't need to be. It's hard when you've had to go there so often, it becomes almost a reflex whenever you're anxious. And me, well, I get anxious. Hit the right button, and I'll go all Momma Bear all over you. Splat. Sorta like the green slime they dump on people at that Kids Choice Awards thing.

All I can say though is that we are so blessed to have the people who are in Jake's life at the moment. They sit and watch me go all Bear-ish and don't bat an eye, then wait for me to calm down and explain things. I always come back and talk and become reasonable, even if I've had my moment of Momma-roar. They don't judge me for it, and instead show me time and time again that we really need to trust them. It's just so...hard. This is my baby we're talking about, here. Somehow though, I think they know.

I really don't know how they put up with me. Sometimes I really gotta just rein in the Bear....because maybe I needed her back then, but you know what?

I don't need her so much now. And that, my dear really nothing short of a miracle.

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