Saturday, December 16, 2006

Fa la la la blahs

Jake's big Christmas gift came in the mail yesterday and Handy Dad placed it in the garage.

"Make sure you hide it good this time," I insisted, remembering the year that he simply stuck in a closet and Jake found it two days later.
"Don't worry, he won't notice." Won't notice? The kid who notices everything won't notice a box that has marshmallow shooters printed on the side? Think again.

I've often wondered what gifts Jake will remember, what traditions we have done as a family that he will carry with him into adulthood. I have to admit that for me, Christmas never really has felt like it did when I was a child. I have never gotten used to being by the ocean and the absence of the snow that I grew up with. Part of my holiday angst tends to be my own wishing that things could be like they were, not just with the lack of snow but my estranged extended family.

Let's face it, if you have issues with people, Christmas just magnifies it by 1000+. Add onto the fact that we've moved and had to move on from friends and the traditions we carved out for ourselves since Jake was born, and I'm left feeling a little....lost if you will. Like my Christmas magic has somehow evaporated and I can't get it back.Jake has changed too, from this little kid who would gleefully run to Santa as if he was a long lost friend to this awkward pre-teen who is afraid to look 'uncool'. No pictures with Santa this year, Mom. It's just not cool.

This change in my child wasn't something I really thought about or expected. I was so ready for all the other changes, but not this one, and it hit me yesterday square in the face. Just like I've often said before, with one child the glimpse of certain stages is swift, fleeting, and over far too quickly for my taste. Traditions that we once held have now been grown out of, and we need to move on.

Especially me.

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